Monday, December 12, 2005

Then, I'm moving to...

As I tell people about my plans for the post-Texas stage in my life, I talk about my move to the Chicagoland area, and then I mention my plan to move to Colorado. Every time I do that the same thing happens. Before their facial expression can question me, and before their minds make the mental leap to assume why I might move there, I quickly explain that I have always wanted to live in Colorado, ever since I was a little girl. I don't want people to assume that the only reason I'm going to live there is because my boyfriend lives there. 'I'm not just moving there for him,' is my veiled response to their non-question.

Why do I care? Why do I feel the need to justify my reason for wanting to live in one of the most breathtaking places in this country? Deep down (or even on the surface) am I worried about guarding my independence so much that I refuse to be known as a person that makes big life choices based on another person's role in my life? I'm not fooling anyone, though. Through my follow-up statement about moving to Colorado, it shows just how much other people control my choices. I desperately want their approval and I work hard to consider every kind of criticism they might bring my way, and immediately address those concerns before they can even be brought up. Twisted.

3 comments:

Rick said...

It really doesn't matter. You always wanted to live in Colorado and now you may have a little extra "motivation" or inspiritation. Heck, sounds like GOd put something on your soul as a young girl and now it may come to pass.

What folks think of you is none of your business. :)

Ruth said...

Woah, you're the second person to use that exact phrase "maybe God put something in your soul as a young girl" followed with the idea that this isn't even my idea, but going there is to fulfill where the Lord has been leading me. I'm just following. That really is how it feels.

Ethan said...

Hi,
Short time reader, first time commentator. I lived in CO for a summer when I was 21 and really enjoyed it. Over time I came to the conclusion that I would always regret it if I never went back. Then about a year ago things sort of fell into place and here I am. It's been pretty amazing since then. Best of luck with whatever you decide. By the way, I really enjoyed your "Photophobia" post.